By popular demand, here's my recipe for free-range Turducken, which is especially cherished this time of year. I believe it is gluten-free. (Illustration by Miwa Couweleers. Thanks, Miwa!)

Roast  Turducken

Ingredients:

1 Wild Turducken, plucked (12-16 pounds)

7 common taters

2 snake eyes, diced

4 Jersey tomatoes, drawn and quartered

3 cups extra-moist water

½ cup balsamic undressing

1 grain of salt

Preparation:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Catch Turducken.